So, I'm going to a conference this weekend and have signed up to pitch. I rewrote my query, yet again, and sent out a bunch as long as I'd done the work. Most agents asked for at least 5 pages. In the process of cutting and pasting, I re-read them. Then changed them. And embarked on another edit of my book.

I've read 10 or 12 books in the last two months, working my way through C.J.'s best reads of 2011 list as well as some other recommendations of hers. As I read back through my book, I noticed it still didn't have the flow of the books I was reading, even after the MAJOR editing job I did on it last fall. I've decided it's true that the best writers are the biggest readers. You pick up a flow and pattern that you then repeat. Isn't that how language is passed on?

If you think I'm nuts, then just take a look at this retelling of The Three Little Pigs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxoUUbMii7Q

Yes, the language of Shakespeare used to be the language of everyday people. As a teacher, I know that conversational language is different from academic language. A person who doesn't speak English can become conversationally fluent in three years but it takes them about 7 to become academically fluent.

They say that writers should write everyday, that it improves your writing. I would disagree with that. If the only writing you are exposed to is your own writing, then if you are writing crap, chances are you could continue to write crap every day. You'd just find it easier to do so. I think you need to find a balance between writing and reading and just imagining.

My second novel has creeped up to the 100 page mark. Much of what I'm writing is terrible. Not crap because the ideas are good. But it is me stumbling around in the dark, looking for the story, still trying to get a feel for who my main character is. I know what she does. I just don't always know why. My writing is more newsish and I want both me and readers down the line to feel what Angela feels, to feel what drives her. It's still somewhat hidden from me.

There are times that I find it frustrating that in many ways I'm writing crap. But I take to heart the illustration that C.C. Humphreys made at last year's PNWA Conference that your first draft is an SFD - shitty first draft. He likened it to finding a way up the mountain. You're not going to know how to do it the first time up. There'll be lots of things you'll do differently the next time up and everytime after that gets better, easier, and more polished. So I write crap and I hope for some insight into Angela. I think I'm just about there and then the whole rest of the story will just spill out.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to balance writing and reading and imagining. And take this weekend's conference as a chance not just to pitch my first novel but as a chance to grow, connect, and recharge.